Interpersonal relationships might be considered a fundamental part of our existence. They are defined as the bonds and dynamics we experience and actively participate in, involving our families, friends, coworkers, schoolmates, acquaintances, and even strangers. Yet, interpersonal relations apply especially to the social and emotional connections that are significant to us as an individual (American Psychological Association, 2022).
It is fairly apparent that difficulties or dysfunction in our pattern of dealings with others can have a major impact on our daily life, our happiness, our future, and any desired success in most endeavors. Would you personally say that it is easy to get along with others, to have peace, even with those whom we love? The facts are that in the United States alone over 45 percent of marriages end in divorce (Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 2022), last year there were 705 mass shootings leaving 736 dead, there has been an increase in civil unrest, racial riots, and government buildings are being stormed. What are some aspects that make peaceful, harmonious relationships so difficult today?
Selfishness is at the heart of many human problems. Miller (1999) states that “the self-interest motive is singularly powerful according to many of the most influential theories of human behavior and the layperson alike.” Selfishness has been considered the egosystem (Crocker & Canevello, 2015) and linked to self-promotion, pleasure seeking, lacking empathy, manipulation for self-advancement, disloyalty, unreasonableness, arrogance, selfish ambition, a sense of entitlement, and outright expectation for everyone else to be concerned with the selfish person’s needs. Yet, since the beginning of Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis the “id,” “ego,” and “super-ego” have been understood to be a part of human psychology. Most likely there aren’t too many of us who like to think of ourselves as selfish, and many more who would like to think that we are selfless or self-sacrificing. However, human history proves that very notion wrong. Nevertheless, this is not a cause for despair but rather an understanding that can assist us and motivate us to improve our relationships with others. How so?
A person who is unwilling to accept or consider the possibility that they might have a weakness, or a problem will be unable to do anything about it. An individual suffering from an alcohol use disorder, unwilling to consider treatment and rehabilitation, is at risk to develop further mental and physical illnesses (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Similarly, a person who is unwilling to consider the human tendency to be inherently selfish will not only be prone to exacerbate this condition, but also will be unlikely to do anything about it. Interpersonal relationships will suffer, be skewed in dynamics, and not inclined to flourish to their full potential.